Four months after I left college you could find me living with my parents in West Chester, Pennsylvania working as a carpenter's assistant full time and waitressing at a country club part time. I disliked working at the wood shop because I knew that the only reason my boss had hired me was because he was freshly divorced and wanted to bang. I hated working at the country club because all of my co-workers were either teenage boys who had just discovered all of the wonder of bong hits and day long power hour marathons, or cooks in their late twenties who would sabotage my tables' meals because I had asked for curly fries- not skinny fries- CURLY fries. When I wasn't crying on my bedroom floor listening to Death Cab for Cutie's 'Title and Registration' on repeat, I would spend my time scouring the internet for more lucrative job prospects.

The job post on craigslist said that the company Team Children was looking for a video editor full time. The pay was $20 an hour; I responded immediately. Team Children retaliated with an email of links to websites, youtube videos, and a warning: "If you can't connect these dots, don't bother responding."

One of the movies showed a toddler looking up at an adult displaying pictures of birds and reciting their names. Then it showed the toddler moving beads around on an abacus as the narrator informed me that this child was only two years old, and already he could add, subtract, and multiply the square root of pi, all because of this remarkable teaching method. The child grew up and graduated high school at the top of his class. The next video was about Rolfing babies and children, and giving away old computers to families in need of PCs from 1994. The narrator in the video said that they "have been rolfing babies and children for twenty years." Images of children laying on massage cots on the sidewalks of Philadelphia passed over the screen. I dialed the phone number and left a message, "I am extremely interested in the position as a video editor for your company." The next day I got a phone call from Bob.

"I want to know if you got a chance to look at the videos on the internet. Because I want to tell you right now that if you can't connect these dots I don't think that it will work out between us."

"Oh yea, Bob. I watched those videos and looked at your website, and I can definitely see how posture and physical health correlates with becoming technologically advanced as well as propelling early child hood development by enhancing both the spine and the mind."

"Well let me ask you what you know about rolfing, because a lot of people say that they are interested in the project but then they back out because the rolfing makes them uncomfortable."

"Well Bob, I was a little bit confused about what the definition of Rolfing is. Is it a type of chiropractic technique?"

"No Kate. It's so much more."

And so Bob proceeded to tell me that Rolfing is a type of massage that hinges on the idea that human beings are still evolving their stature from that of an ape. Our spines are still transitioning to their fully upright position. Rolfing is a method of enhancing a humans' natural growth and potential as vertically prominent creatures. The practice of Rolfing promotes the start of this massage therapy at very early ages. Bob made sure to tell me that he had been rolfing one woman since she was five days old.

"Well Bob, I would love to come in for an interview. What would be a good time for you?"

Monday afternoon I left the shop early to shower and get ready to drive to Audobon, Pennsylvania. I arrived at a yellow warehouse complex, and stood before a space three stories tall that housed thousands of computers stacked to the roof. Half of them were blinking error messages. A hugely obese man was packing things into crates, and his pectoral flesh swayed like bungee cords with each knee bend.

"Hi there. I'm looking for Bob?" He motioned for to come inside, where I found a handful of people sitting at cubicles. Some were very old, and a few women looked to be in their thirties. A kid that looked to be near my age sat in a corner camouflaged by more stacks of computer monitors and towers. And then there was Bob. He was a short man with really beady bloodshot eyes. He reminded me of Hank Hills' father. We shook hands and he guided me over to where the computer editing station was. Kyle, the editor, was manning the ibook.

"Here Kyle, why don't you show Kate the video that you're working on. Excuse me Kate, On Mondays we have the committed teens from Devereaux bused over to volunteer here in our warehouse, and they just got arrived."

I sat and watched the movie with Kyle. It was the same video about rolfing babies and children that I had seen the previous day. After the video was finished, Bob came back and ushered me to his desk where he asked me to proofread a letter of apology to a sponsor of the program.

"They don't like the rolfing, and I know that if they would just let me rolf them, their mind would be changed, but some people just don't want to believe that rolfing- it's really a miracle that changes people's lives!"

I sat in front of Bob's computer for a while reading his five page letter. As I skimmed over the content, I found out that Bob had prostate cancer, and that he could really use the extra support for his cause as his disease had shown him a new outlook on life. Twenty minutes went by before Bob wandered back over to his desk.

"Well what do you think?"

"Well, it's a little long, Bob."

"Well why don't you revise it. Make the necessary changes."

"Bob, you haven't even hired me yet. Do you think we could talk about the job that you are looking to fill?"

"Alright alright. Come over to my office."
We walked down a few rows of desks lined with more PCs and sat down in two foldable metal chairs. He asked me,
"OK Kate, what do you think that you have to offer me?" "Well, I am a really great video editor, and I know that I am fully capable of editing the kind of videos that you-" We were interrupted by his secretary coming over to alert him that he had a phone call to take. I sat in the cold metal chair and looked around. Some Devereaux teens leered at me from between the stacks of computers. Ten minutes later Bob sat down again and repeated his question.
"Well, I am a really great video editor, and I know that I am fully capable of editing the kind of videos that you want to make to promote your company."

"But how do you feel about the rolfing?"

"I think the rolfing is fine."

"But you have to understand that if you want to work here, you have to let me rolf you. Otherwise you won't understand the importance of what I am trying to do here."

"Did you want to rolf me right now?"

"Kyle over there, he won't let me rolf him. That's why I'm looking for someone else to hire- someone who can really understand how rolfing changes people's lives."

"Wait a minute. You haven't even hired me yet. The money sounds right, $20 an hour, but when do you want me to start? Maybe if you hired me I would consider letting you rolf me."

"Well we're waiting on this funding to come in, and we won't have the money for another two weeks."

"I see. Well, I think that I would be a great editor for you. So let me know in two weeks. Here's my clip reel."

"No I don't need to see that. Have a nice afternoon."

I left the warehouse feeling disgusted and in need of a drink. He wouldn't even look at my reel! Rolf this BOB. I flipped Audobon the bird and drove off into the sunset towards the greener pastures of West Chester to weep inconsolably face down in my carpet.